Daniel, hurrying to catch up and find him, an earnest question out of his mouth, eyes bright. Something in that that's pleasing. Endearing?
Maybe not every twinge of abnormal emotion needs analysis.
"Yes," says Armand, turning to him, book held at his side. "I've observed it before, between maker and fledgling. It's not reliable, or a secret means of communication, but," a gesture, half a shrug. Something like throwing one's voice, something like relying on that inexplicable bond to pick up the other's words in the wind, automatically honing incredible hearing in on a single note in the symphony.
Hey.
"If a naysayer of yours is found dead each appearance, that may lend some credence to your authorial honesty."
Just an idea. Vampires among us. He's kidding, by the way. It's hard to tell.
He thinks it with the full force of his consciousness, and he makes himself confront that he feels that way. He has been hauntingly beautiful, unnervingly perfect, stunningly attractive in a way that seemed too ideal to even bother engaging with. And he is those things, but he's never thought 'cute' before. It doesn't especially suit him, because he's wearing a costume, but the performance ads to the charm. Reality tips slightly. (To the north?) Armand came to a book signing just to mess with him. His level is messing with him has been playful. With claws, but still playful.
Daniel sets this aside to inspect. Not sure about it. He thinks of eyes on him, always on him, of quiet deep breaths in and hands splayed on the table, restless. He also thinks: That's a cool trick.
"I'll have to practice to get the hang of it," he says. Interested in vampirism, in the things they (he!) can potentially do. His gaze wants to tick down to the book Armand is holding, with its personalized ramble, but he refrains.
"Could also bring the FBI back." Daniel smiles, though, a funny little curious thing, because he suspects humor. Out of Armand. "Why, are you hungry?"
Out here, Armand takes off his tinted glasses, folding them, slipping them into a pocket. Lamp-like eyes again, although—well, Daniel's eyes change, and he might have observed the way bright orange can dull itself down a little. Still striking, still bright, but a little less haunted than they can be.
"Law enforcement can be a nuisance," he says. "And it doesn't seem like the kind of game you wish to play."
Daniel, still engaging with human society, still a person, still a public figure. Armand's tone doesn't imply disapproval so much as observation. It's hard to be a functional celebrity if the feds would like to investigate you for serial murder. Maybe the rude couple will live tonight.
Maybe not. "A little. And you've skipped some meals."
Orange, blood red, not-quite-brown. Deepening layers of it. Daniel has, indeed, noticed; his own shift between clear blue and orange is either more striking or more comical, depending on your point of view. He's glad he doesn't have to watch himself, in any event.
"Dominoes."
One falls, then another, then a hundred. He's not in a hurry to be on law enforcement's radar, not in a hurry to end up entrenched in an increasingly high profile series of kills to get out of a jam. He rationalizes murder just fine, he doesn't need more layers. Besides—
"I want to write the book about the first open vampire to end up in court over biological imperatives," he says, "not star in the documentary. Let somebody else fall on that one."
This little bit of celebrity is fine. It gets him money and the occasional hookup and certain freedoms, which is a nice offset to tanking the credibility of his career (for now). He will pass on more, especially if it comes with restricting his freedoms. Like jail. Pass on jail. Meanwhile: he gives Armand a look.
Daniel steers his attention off a glance to the book, but Armand lifts it, drawing focus. "You quoted Rumi," he says. "Who also once said, 'I have never become less from dying'."
Optimistic. Romantic. Religious, first and foremost, but these words exist beyond their context, a fragment of a poem penned quickly into the acknowledgments of a book about queer vampires and their violences.
Cute, also.
And he begins to walk, a pivot that invites Daniel to stay in step.
"That one gets a little blasphemous," he muses. "Imagining past the death of angels."
Rumi had style. Maybe it was the mysticism— made all the religion tolerable.
Pause. Consider. Mm, what the hell. Daniel follows him. (As if he wouldn't? He tells himself it wasn't guaranteed. It can't be. Armand didn't know he'd follow, or else he wouldn't have to invite him, even wordlessly.)
The city is always packed, it's always busy. A couple of unconvinced, marginally rude attendees fade into obscurity while an ocean of minds and bodies open up, all awaiting assessment for their potential. Daniel is more familiar with video games than the average seventy year old, owing to a combination of nostalgic tolerance based on youthful enjoyment of arcade machines and time sunk in to topics around violence in media. He thinks of the way people decry anything with harm done opponents made out of pixels arranged to look like humans, other living things, the slaughter of which is seen as nothing more than a thing to do to receive experience points.
He also thinks about the movie Gerry when he thinks of video games, but that's like, whatever. A funny thing his brain does, because it's all ridiculous. The point is: converting living beings to an inanimate resource. Thinking nothing of it. Pixels. Mortals. Different from him. He thinks of Louis. Why is a fox less than a human. Why did he tap the woozy Slavic guy's neck like a heroin user lifting a vein, a dismissive and vulgar routine, but fix himself to Armand's throat like it was a lifeline?
"Pretend you're me." Oh, another one of these. "And pretend I want to pick off skeptics. Where do I put the line? What's the most minor offense that still ranks?"
Daniel does not sounds like he thinks this is a morally deep question. He sounds like he thinks it's darkly funny to joke about.
Armand might like a video game, if he could condescend to touching the apparatus. Or perhaps it would seem ordinary. Following road rules in GTA when he could, at any moment, do whatever he wanted instead. Giving the Sims a perfect little life instead of drowning them in a pool. He is, of course, not thinking of this when Daniel asks his question—
But when he does consider the human being, there is something of a game to it. To allow their inner worlds to matter for the chance of a darkly funny debate.
"Suppose they're an infection to the conversation," he says. Gamely. "Not adamant in their convictions, not attempting to discredit you or criticise your work in some way that demonstrates thought and care. They're only interested in rendering inert any interesting question that could be raised, in belittling the curiousity of others. Entropic ignorance."
A steady stream of life around them. Thoughts, ordinary, repetitive, brushing against their minds. Nothing wrong in ordinary repetition. It's like watching a river. "You could imagine that their incurious nature as something that dulls all they touch, not just your book."
"So it's a kind of justice." We're playing a game, here. A hypothetical thought experiment, not life-ruining. Hopefully. "Not in a law and order way. A cosmic balance way. Is art not a force of nature itself, yadda yadda, if reality is defined by what we make of it."
Mixing his philosophies, but Armand is clever enough to pick up that he's doing it on purpose. Daniel is the kind of person to understand philosophy but not put much value on it— finding the engagement between differences and balances across all the spectrums and schools more interesting. Enough that he feels confident in his understanding to be imprecise in their use.
"A removal of rot. What's my motivation? Is it ego? Do I get to decide, because my judgment is unassailable about this sort of thing? Or is it selfless? Do I just like this world because I live here, and it's a community service?"
"Call it justice," Armand says. "Call it gardening."
He had said he likes their conversations. He had meant: that bright, clarifying thing he feels, rubbed raw by the right questions, the shock of revelation. He had also meant: sharp words, testing each other, little moments throughout the interview where Louis, sitting at an angle from him or close to him or across the other side of the room had nearly become ornamental to a wider game while he unspooled his life story.
But isn't it nice, too, to talk philosophy, mixed philosophy, without a recording device nearby. They have more time to do the same thing they were doing before, a kind of mutual figuring out.
"Our way of life is currently only addressed by a set of laws upheld by covens of middling power to enforce them, and none of those laws specify how we go about our selections. There is no legislation dictated by human courts that allow it, is cognizant to it, but perhaps that will change, but let us remain in the present. Even human morality, whether expressed through ancient scripture or afternoon television programming for children cannot abide by a way of life in which the baseline to survival is murder."
Talk of eating only animals, imbibing only from the willing. Louis, a master of his impulses, clinging to these things as if he isn't awaiting the inevitable plummet. Armand won't be there to catch him.
"So." So. "Who can you prescribe your own judgment to, if not yourself?"
"All those laws, and nobody bothered to outline 'who to eat'?"
That's funny, for some reason. Daniel wrinkles his nose though a quiet laugh. "Actually— no, that makes sense. Those laws are morals handed down on high from someone, or something, else. No room for encouraging penitents to make their own independent moral judgements. But still something of an oversight in the machine."
It's a nice night out. They pass a news stand, a hot dog cart. Daniel thinks it's odd that news stands have survived, but he thinks the few that remain are vanity projects. Adding to a culture, not making a profit. Hot dogs don't smell like anything anymore, meanwhile.
"Anyway, I know that's me prevaricating. Gardening. I kinda like that."
It makes him think of Armand's tree, and a question he hasn't asked yet. Still not yet. Biding his time.
"Is my judgement my own? How much of a product am I versus an independent entity, when it comes to a moral compass? How I was raised, by who, the things I've experienced. How long do I have to live, sectioned off from those foundational influences, to manifest a fully unique moral perspective?"
The book beneath his arm gravitates to being held against his belly, arms crossing comfortably as they go. Armand, having shrugged at all those laws—they should have committed to more, Christianity got away with ten of them—and denying outward sign of pleasure for praise, listens to the rest.
Thinks of being a product. Of being raised, sectioned off, manifested. The pavement underfoot takes on a new kind of quality, like he is simply rolling the whole earth beneath him, pushed along by the press of the toe of his shoe, and he is staying in place.
A vicious and sudden thought: Daniel is laying a trap for him. Only rhetorical, maybe, but a trap nonetheless. But maybe he isn't. He can't read his mind. He can't know.
"Weeds are no more or less evil than the bed of flowers," Armand says, from somewhere slightly behind himself, walking several paces back, it feels like. "And you know them when you see them."
A retreat, from philosophy to metaphor. Embarrassing.
Not every conversational turn is a hit. Daniel is better at asking questions and dissecting the answers later than he is at idle chatter— and better at that than philosophy, too, despite whatever he happens to academically know. He notes the slightly withdraw, but doesn't feel slighted or nervous; impervious to hurt feelings, when it comes to talking. He does so much of it, and it's usually so combative.
"Hey, that's good enough for congress and pornography," he says, clueless of Armand's internal paranoia. Maybe the trap was letting Daniel Molloy talk at all.
"If I'm being honest—"
Wouldn't it be nice if he wasn't? If he could shut up for a minute.
"—I don't know where I stand on morality and judgement, concerning dinner. I trust myself, mostly. I've been calling a lot of quick shots, though, and not following up on whether or not they were the right ones. I can admit that's out of wilful ignorance. I don't want to feel bad about it. So." So. "The best way is to be mindful up front, probably."
The conversation shifts, moves on. The world turns normally. The moment is over.
And Daniel Molloy talking in itself is no prison, even if Armand finds he has to tune back in a little. "Probably," Armand says. Internally guarded, still, more watchful of the possible curves and loops of the conversation ahead of then. Mindful up front. "I've seen many vampires fail to engage with the question at all, or give up after a decade or so."
He could speak a little of Louis, his mindfulness to the point of compulsion, and Armand has a lot of data, but he doesn't feel like it. Doesn't wish to evoke him now.
"I think there is no law pertaining the selecting because it will always vary. The bearable thing," treating himself to a callback. "The pleasurable thing. Do you find yourself hesitating, in the moment?"
Maybe: someday, Daniel will figure out more about what those moments are. Someday, Armand will feel comfortable telling him.
Maybe.
"Sometimes. It's been—" a movement with his hand, up and down, like a rollercoaster, or an unsteady sea. "The out of control desperation at first, and then overthinking how I'm going to get away with anything, after. There are a lot of needles to be threaded. Things to think about. Amazon not selling you blenders."
A callback of his own. Without realizing it, Daniel fails to evoke Louis. That exchange was only theirs.
"How high does 'the pleasurable thing' rank for you, when you choose?"
But then, what else is a conversation. Isn't the best sort of interview a lot like one of those? Armand holds onto his answer for a moment, considering its value, considering where its going, what flaw Daniel might find in it, what criticism might be levied his way, whether he would find the kind of pleasure in it he has before or if it would serve to wall them off from one another. But also, who cares.
"The pleasure is derived from satisfaction," after a moment. "Removing certain kinds of people from the world, that being, the recklessly powerful who answer to none but themselves. Passively and actively harmful to the world's state of affairs. Removing them encourages a different global trajectory. Or so I like to imagine."
It will take longer than thirty odd years to prove itself. But he's patient when it comes to his projects.
"And," because he isn't a saint, getting ahead of it, "it brings me pleasure to watch them try to survive, and give up the effort. If they could run that little bit faster, draw more air into their lungs. If they were stronger, or more resilient, all the things they believe they are."
He had told Madeleine something like this: all humans think they're the exception.
He could catch on 'the recklessly powerful who answer to none but themselves', really dig in. But this isn't an interview. Instead, it's Or so I like to imagine.
Could be that he is circling back, ever so slowly, to feeling like an asshole for asking Armand if he even likes art. Or, no. Daniel won't feel like an asshole. Takes more than that. More like a recognition that it was a stupid question. Starting to sift through seeing to understanding. A grain of sad in a fucking desert, though.
"Subtle notes of sadism," he observes, but there's an upbeat, game tone to his voice that suggests they are leaving Philosophy Hour and entering Fuck Around Hour. Just a little poke. They're having fun. Did Armand have any fun, then? What did he enjoy, 'sometimes'?
"So,"
doing this a lot, the both of them
"You didn't always run a Millionaire Survivor screening event to pick. Think you can do it right now? Still?"
"Are you attempting to switch our assigned roles?"
Maker and fledgling. Can, and will, Armand choose a sacrificial lamb for dinner? Does he think he can? He has warmed enough to slip a sidelong glance as he says this. Poking back. "Or is this my teaching moment?"
Quietly, a slight unfurling of his consciousness. A broadening radius of awareness, past the street they are in, past the block they are on. He has not spoken yet of his back up method in choosing the ones who want to die, at least a little bit, and reflexively, he browses around for hints of despair amongst the many.
A little like searching out the weak in a herd, psychologically on the fringes of things. Makes his task all the simpler.
Assigned roles. Neatly arranged. Roles have such a strong presence in Armand's life, it seems, and Daniel wonders how exactly he feels about this one. If Daniel should rock the boat and disturb the need for them at all, or if—
It's bleak to think of. Slavery, a fucking cult. Collapsing under the weight of maitre over and over. Is maker easier. Just Daniel, just one arrogant journalist. Does he want it to be easier for Armand, on that note? Does he want to learn from someone who directed the play that executed Claudia and Madeleine? Does he care? He didn't know them. Is he curious? He could find an angle. Within Armand, there seems to be a fucking limitless number of angles and mysteries to untangle. They'll probably all burn him.
"I'm daring you," is what he ends up saying, tipping caution off a ledge. He wants to be angry at him. He wants to understand him. He wants every corrosive angle. How fucking awful.
"I could learn, too. Probably. Maybe. It's been a while since I've been a student."
There is something to it, the revulsion of such a permanent allocation. The terrible power and influence a maker wields. That he would wield. That his own had wielded. The revulsion his own had had of him, that he does not feel towards Daniel, but perhaps will. Perhaps in time, as time stretches on and on.
But it's not always so. He has seen a dozen of these manifestations within his coven, without it, pairs of maker and fledgling, but those ones were not him. Were not Daniel.
Sharper, this next prod.
"I can tell," he says, a gentler batting back of the comment. "How well have you practiced the mind gift?"
"Uh huh." A bit like Yeah, but more teasing. Something he said to his (longsuffering) students, Never too old to be a student, to learn more, and Daniel had hated it. Hated being that person. A lifelong problem with authority makes him feel like a fucking tool whenever he's in a position of power, but more than that, it felt impossible to actually live any truth with that line. Dying. Definitely too old.
Not anymore.
So.
"I've made my assistant get me coffee a few times," he says, which betrays the fact that he's been practicing at all, as he no longer drinks coffee. "But she would anyway if I asked. Once in a while, 'Stop' will work on someone."
Someone that he's eating. This feels strange to talk about. Armand is so, so good at that gift. Which he knows intimately.
Armand is not a teacher. He has never felt the impulse, and teaching is an impulse. A skill, a personality. Maybe Daniel has felt like a tool for it in the past, maybe he hated it completely, maybe something about it drew him in. An empathetic ideal, to pass along the lesson, whether you believe it anymore or not.
But no, Armand has been director, dictator, and for longer than that, a symbol of something, and has he had conviction in those things, even then? Did he ever guide the vampires beneath him, or simply set the terms and wait? How well did he teach Louis anything that wasn't, also, his own way of leveraging an advantage? What did Lestat do with his lessons, but run off with them?
But Daniel is here, listening to him. Daniel is here because Armand put him here. A punishment.
"Directives are useful," he says. "But not everything. Your assistant will obey you because she's your assistant. Your prey will stop, because part of them would like to as well."
A nod—let's cross here. Through the gap in the traffic.
"But we're speaking of selection, not just subdual. I know in the interview, there was some talk of seeking the sin. Weaknesses. I can show you something else."
He walks after him, listening, and compartmentalizing. Watching the decisions he's making and putting pins in them. As if perhaps he's planning a revised autobiography, preparing to explain himself. Physician, heal thyself; insufferably combative investigative journalist, interrogate thyself.
(A Biblical quote regarded as being about criticizing of hypocrisy. Maybe his train of thought should give it a rest.)
"I'm listening."
It's his job. Ha ha. But he sounds more open here, less hostile. They aren't opponents sitting across a table from each other— Armand has made him something else. Put this strange obligation between them; Armand, obligated to explain, Daniel, obligated to hear.
He thinks they're both learning. Armand hasn't done this before, he's certain. Because even if he's ever helped a 'young' vampire before, it was never a vampire whose mind he couldn't read. Who he created.
Across the street, and over a block. A little park in the middle of the city.
The ways he has helped fledglings who stumble into his hands has been different. Show them how to hide, how to behave, and then burn them to nothing if they refuse. If they fail to adapt, or fail to break it all like a single one of them had managed. If he had burned Lestat too, would he be living, still, in squalor beneath the streets of modern Paris? Probably not. Part of Lestat's charm had been the impossibility of such a thing as the world became brighter and brighter.
Pointless. They arrive at a park bench, and Armand sits, making room for Daniel to sit along beside him. He doesn't feel nervous for this most unusual lesson, detached from the possibility. They adapt or they fail. They change him or they don't. And Daniel already has.
"That building," he says, a nod. Across the way, a tall apartment complex, midrange rentals, some permanent residencies. "Focus on it like a single object. You'll sift from the rest of the world the minds within it."
A park bench in New York. They're really doing the thing.
"Okay," Daniel says. He can do that. Well. He can do the focus part of it, who knows about the rest. But he's very curious about all this, and the mental powers aspect of this life are undoubtedly the thing he finds most alluring. Parts defensive, never to be fucked with that way again, and parts because he already has a knack for getting into people.
Perverse to have a lesson from this person, considering.
He lets it all go. A slow breath in, and out, as he stares at the building. Considers the shape of it and the people inside. Allows everything else to become unfocused; he slips away from the crush of human minds milling around the city, and glances into the bright spots within the bottle of the apartment complex.
Nothing else. Just the building. And, aha, Armand beside him.
"A little over one hundred souls, by my estimate. As you grow, as you practice, you can broaden the amount of data you're willing to receive without doing yourself harm. In a high density city like this, you needn't reach further than a block to find a viable mark. But, for now, a building."
The book is kept balanced on his lap, Armand gazing up at the structure, casting out his awareness. There is no chance of overlap. They will not be able to feel each other drifting over the same minds. They will make do.
Armand has, for now, disconnected from any sense of appropriateness. Who they are to each other, the things they have done—his sins, titanically outweighing the ways Daniel has transgressed against him, and the ways in which those sins were done. It doesn't matter. Daniel has dared him.
"I find the one who can't stand to be in the place they are in," eventually. "Or the one who thinks they can never leave it. I take my time, doing it. And then I invite them out."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Maybe not every twinge of abnormal emotion needs analysis.
"Yes," says Armand, turning to him, book held at his side. "I've observed it before, between maker and fledgling. It's not reliable, or a secret means of communication, but," a gesture, half a shrug. Something like throwing one's voice, something like relying on that inexplicable bond to pick up the other's words in the wind, automatically honing incredible hearing in on a single note in the symphony.
Hey.
"If a naysayer of yours is found dead each appearance, that may lend some credence to your authorial honesty."
Just an idea. Vampires among us. He's kidding, by the way. It's hard to tell.
no subject
He thinks it with the full force of his consciousness, and he makes himself confront that he feels that way. He has been hauntingly beautiful, unnervingly perfect, stunningly attractive in a way that seemed too ideal to even bother engaging with. And he is those things, but he's never thought 'cute' before. It doesn't especially suit him, because he's wearing a costume, but the performance ads to the charm. Reality tips slightly. (To the north?) Armand came to a book signing just to mess with him. His level is messing with him has been playful. With claws, but still playful.
Daniel sets this aside to inspect. Not sure about it. He thinks of eyes on him, always on him, of quiet deep breaths in and hands splayed on the table, restless. He also thinks: That's a cool trick.
"I'll have to practice to get the hang of it," he says. Interested in vampirism, in the things they (he!) can potentially do. His gaze wants to tick down to the book Armand is holding, with its personalized ramble, but he refrains.
"Could also bring the FBI back." Daniel smiles, though, a funny little curious thing, because he suspects humor. Out of Armand. "Why, are you hungry?"
Want to get, like.
A pizza.
no subject
"Law enforcement can be a nuisance," he says. "And it doesn't seem like the kind of game you wish to play."
Daniel, still engaging with human society, still a person, still a public figure. Armand's tone doesn't imply disapproval so much as observation. It's hard to be a functional celebrity if the feds would like to investigate you for serial murder. Maybe the rude couple will live tonight.
Maybe not. "A little. And you've skipped some meals."
no subject
"Dominoes."
One falls, then another, then a hundred. He's not in a hurry to be on law enforcement's radar, not in a hurry to end up entrenched in an increasingly high profile series of kills to get out of a jam. He rationalizes murder just fine, he doesn't need more layers. Besides—
"I want to write the book about the first open vampire to end up in court over biological imperatives," he says, "not star in the documentary. Let somebody else fall on that one."
This little bit of celebrity is fine. It gets him money and the occasional hookup and certain freedoms, which is a nice offset to tanking the credibility of his career (for now). He will pass on more, especially if it comes with restricting his freedoms. Like jail. Pass on jail. Meanwhile: he gives Armand a look.
"Are you keeping track?"
no subject
To the tune of: maybe.
Daniel steers his attention off a glance to the book, but Armand lifts it, drawing focus. "You quoted Rumi," he says. "Who also once said, 'I have never become less from dying'."
Optimistic. Romantic. Religious, first and foremost, but these words exist beyond their context, a fragment of a poem penned quickly into the acknowledgments of a book about queer vampires and their violences.
Cute, also.
And he begins to walk, a pivot that invites Daniel to stay in step.
no subject
Rumi had style. Maybe it was the mysticism— made all the religion tolerable.
Pause. Consider. Mm, what the hell. Daniel follows him. (As if he wouldn't? He tells himself it wasn't guaranteed. It can't be. Armand didn't know he'd follow, or else he wouldn't have to invite him, even wordlessly.)
The city is always packed, it's always busy. A couple of unconvinced, marginally rude attendees fade into obscurity while an ocean of minds and bodies open up, all awaiting assessment for their potential. Daniel is more familiar with video games than the average seventy year old, owing to a combination of nostalgic tolerance based on youthful enjoyment of arcade machines and time sunk in to topics around violence in media. He thinks of the way people decry anything with harm done opponents made out of pixels arranged to look like humans, other living things, the slaughter of which is seen as nothing more than a thing to do to receive experience points.
He also thinks about the movie Gerry when he thinks of video games, but that's like, whatever. A funny thing his brain does, because it's all ridiculous. The point is: converting living beings to an inanimate resource. Thinking nothing of it. Pixels. Mortals. Different from him. He thinks of Louis. Why is a fox less than a human. Why did he tap the woozy Slavic guy's neck like a heroin user lifting a vein, a dismissive and vulgar routine, but fix himself to Armand's throat like it was a lifeline?
"Pretend you're me." Oh, another one of these. "And pretend I want to pick off skeptics. Where do I put the line? What's the most minor offense that still ranks?"
Daniel does not sounds like he thinks this is a morally deep question. He sounds like he thinks it's darkly funny to joke about.
no subject
But when he does consider the human being, there is something of a game to it. To allow their inner worlds to matter for the chance of a darkly funny debate.
"Suppose they're an infection to the conversation," he says. Gamely. "Not adamant in their convictions, not attempting to discredit you or criticise your work in some way that demonstrates thought and care. They're only interested in rendering inert any interesting question that could be raised, in belittling the curiousity of others. Entropic ignorance."
A steady stream of life around them. Thoughts, ordinary, repetitive, brushing against their minds. Nothing wrong in ordinary repetition. It's like watching a river. "You could imagine that their incurious nature as something that dulls all they touch, not just your book."
no subject
Mixing his philosophies, but Armand is clever enough to pick up that he's doing it on purpose. Daniel is the kind of person to understand philosophy but not put much value on it— finding the engagement between differences and balances across all the spectrums and schools more interesting. Enough that he feels confident in his understanding to be imprecise in their use.
"A removal of rot. What's my motivation? Is it ego? Do I get to decide, because my judgment is unassailable about this sort of thing? Or is it selfless? Do I just like this world because I live here, and it's a community service?"
Poking at the edges of a theory. Arrogance.
no subject
He had said he likes their conversations. He had meant: that bright, clarifying thing he feels, rubbed raw by the right questions, the shock of revelation. He had also meant: sharp words, testing each other, little moments throughout the interview where Louis, sitting at an angle from him or close to him or across the other side of the room had nearly become ornamental to a wider game while he unspooled his life story.
But isn't it nice, too, to talk philosophy, mixed philosophy, without a recording device nearby. They have more time to do the same thing they were doing before, a kind of mutual figuring out.
"Our way of life is currently only addressed by a set of laws upheld by covens of middling power to enforce them, and none of those laws specify how we go about our selections. There is no legislation dictated by human courts that allow it, is cognizant to it, but perhaps that will change, but let us remain in the present. Even human morality, whether expressed through ancient scripture or afternoon television programming for children cannot abide by a way of life in which the baseline to survival is murder."
Talk of eating only animals, imbibing only from the willing. Louis, a master of his impulses, clinging to these things as if he isn't awaiting the inevitable plummet. Armand won't be there to catch him.
"So." So. "Who can you prescribe your own judgment to, if not yourself?"
no subject
That's funny, for some reason. Daniel wrinkles his nose though a quiet laugh. "Actually— no, that makes sense. Those laws are morals handed down on high from someone, or something, else. No room for encouraging penitents to make their own independent moral judgements. But still something of an oversight in the machine."
It's a nice night out. They pass a news stand, a hot dog cart. Daniel thinks it's odd that news stands have survived, but he thinks the few that remain are vanity projects. Adding to a culture, not making a profit. Hot dogs don't smell like anything anymore, meanwhile.
"Anyway, I know that's me prevaricating. Gardening. I kinda like that."
It makes him think of Armand's tree, and a question he hasn't asked yet. Still not yet. Biding his time.
"Is my judgement my own? How much of a product am I versus an independent entity, when it comes to a moral compass? How I was raised, by who, the things I've experienced. How long do I have to live, sectioned off from those foundational influences, to manifest a fully unique moral perspective?"
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Thinks of being a product. Of being raised, sectioned off, manifested. The pavement underfoot takes on a new kind of quality, like he is simply rolling the whole earth beneath him, pushed along by the press of the toe of his shoe, and he is staying in place.
A vicious and sudden thought: Daniel is laying a trap for him. Only rhetorical, maybe, but a trap nonetheless. But maybe he isn't. He can't read his mind. He can't know.
"Weeds are no more or less evil than the bed of flowers," Armand says, from somewhere slightly behind himself, walking several paces back, it feels like. "And you know them when you see them."
A retreat, from philosophy to metaphor. Embarrassing.
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"Hey, that's good enough for congress and pornography," he says, clueless of Armand's internal paranoia. Maybe the trap was letting Daniel Molloy talk at all.
"If I'm being honest—"
Wouldn't it be nice if he wasn't? If he could shut up for a minute.
"—I don't know where I stand on morality and judgement, concerning dinner. I trust myself, mostly. I've been calling a lot of quick shots, though, and not following up on whether or not they were the right ones. I can admit that's out of wilful ignorance. I don't want to feel bad about it. So." So. "The best way is to be mindful up front, probably."
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And Daniel Molloy talking in itself is no prison, even if Armand finds he has to tune back in a little. "Probably," Armand says. Internally guarded, still, more watchful of the possible curves and loops of the conversation ahead of then. Mindful up front. "I've seen many vampires fail to engage with the question at all, or give up after a decade or so."
He could speak a little of Louis, his mindfulness to the point of compulsion, and Armand has a lot of data, but he doesn't feel like it. Doesn't wish to evoke him now.
"I think there is no law pertaining the selecting because it will always vary. The bearable thing," treating himself to a callback. "The pleasurable thing. Do you find yourself hesitating, in the moment?"
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Maybe.
"Sometimes. It's been—" a movement with his hand, up and down, like a rollercoaster, or an unsteady sea. "The out of control desperation at first, and then overthinking how I'm going to get away with anything, after. There are a lot of needles to be threaded. Things to think about. Amazon not selling you blenders."
A callback of his own. Without realizing it, Daniel fails to evoke Louis. That exchange was only theirs.
"How high does 'the pleasurable thing' rank for you, when you choose?"
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But then, what else is a conversation. Isn't the best sort of interview a lot like one of those? Armand holds onto his answer for a moment, considering its value, considering where its going, what flaw Daniel might find in it, what criticism might be levied his way, whether he would find the kind of pleasure in it he has before or if it would serve to wall them off from one another. But also, who cares.
"The pleasure is derived from satisfaction," after a moment. "Removing certain kinds of people from the world, that being, the recklessly powerful who answer to none but themselves. Passively and actively harmful to the world's state of affairs. Removing them encourages a different global trajectory. Or so I like to imagine."
It will take longer than thirty odd years to prove itself. But he's patient when it comes to his projects.
"And," because he isn't a saint, getting ahead of it, "it brings me pleasure to watch them try to survive, and give up the effort. If they could run that little bit faster, draw more air into their lungs. If they were stronger, or more resilient, all the things they believe they are."
He had told Madeleine something like this: all humans think they're the exception.
"So, to answer your question: somewhat."
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Could be that he is circling back, ever so slowly, to feeling like an asshole for asking Armand if he even likes art. Or, no. Daniel won't feel like an asshole. Takes more than that. More like a recognition that it was a stupid question. Starting to sift through seeing to understanding. A grain of sad in a fucking desert, though.
"Subtle notes of sadism," he observes, but there's an upbeat, game tone to his voice that suggests they are leaving Philosophy Hour and entering Fuck Around Hour. Just a little poke. They're having fun. Did Armand have any fun, then? What did he enjoy, 'sometimes'?
"So,"
doing this a lot, the both of them
"You didn't always run a Millionaire Survivor screening event to pick. Think you can do it right now? Still?"
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Maker and fledgling. Can, and will, Armand choose a sacrificial lamb for dinner? Does he think he can? He has warmed enough to slip a sidelong glance as he says this. Poking back. "Or is this my teaching moment?"
Quietly, a slight unfurling of his consciousness. A broadening radius of awareness, past the street they are in, past the block they are on. He has not spoken yet of his back up method in choosing the ones who want to die, at least a little bit, and reflexively, he browses around for hints of despair amongst the many.
A little like searching out the weak in a herd, psychologically on the fringes of things. Makes his task all the simpler.
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It's bleak to think of. Slavery, a fucking cult. Collapsing under the weight of maitre over and over. Is maker easier. Just Daniel, just one arrogant journalist. Does he want it to be easier for Armand, on that note? Does he want to learn from someone who directed the play that executed Claudia and Madeleine? Does he care? He didn't know them. Is he curious? He could find an angle. Within Armand, there seems to be a fucking limitless number of angles and mysteries to untangle. They'll probably all burn him.
"I'm daring you," is what he ends up saying, tipping caution off a ledge. He wants to be angry at him. He wants to understand him. He wants every corrosive angle. How fucking awful.
"I could learn, too. Probably. Maybe. It's been a while since I've been a student."
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But it's not always so. He has seen a dozen of these manifestations within his coven, without it, pairs of maker and fledgling, but those ones were not him. Were not Daniel.
Sharper, this next prod.
"I can tell," he says, a gentler batting back of the comment. "How well have you practiced the mind gift?"
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Not anymore.
So.
"I've made my assistant get me coffee a few times," he says, which betrays the fact that he's been practicing at all, as he no longer drinks coffee. "But she would anyway if I asked. Once in a while, 'Stop' will work on someone."
Someone that he's eating. This feels strange to talk about. Armand is so, so good at that gift. Which he knows intimately.
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But no, Armand has been director, dictator, and for longer than that, a symbol of something, and has he had conviction in those things, even then? Did he ever guide the vampires beneath him, or simply set the terms and wait? How well did he teach Louis anything that wasn't, also, his own way of leveraging an advantage? What did Lestat do with his lessons, but run off with them?
But Daniel is here, listening to him. Daniel is here because Armand put him here. A punishment.
"Directives are useful," he says. "But not everything. Your assistant will obey you because she's your assistant. Your prey will stop, because part of them would like to as well."
A nod—let's cross here. Through the gap in the traffic.
"But we're speaking of selection, not just subdual. I know in the interview, there was some talk of seeking the sin. Weaknesses. I can show you something else."
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(A Biblical quote regarded as being about criticizing of hypocrisy. Maybe his train of thought should give it a rest.)
"I'm listening."
It's his job. Ha ha. But he sounds more open here, less hostile. They aren't opponents sitting across a table from each other— Armand has made him something else. Put this strange obligation between them; Armand, obligated to explain, Daniel, obligated to hear.
He thinks they're both learning. Armand hasn't done this before, he's certain. Because even if he's ever helped a 'young' vampire before, it was never a vampire whose mind he couldn't read. Who he created.
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The ways he has helped fledglings who stumble into his hands has been different. Show them how to hide, how to behave, and then burn them to nothing if they refuse. If they fail to adapt, or fail to break it all like a single one of them had managed. If he had burned Lestat too, would he be living, still, in squalor beneath the streets of modern Paris? Probably not. Part of Lestat's charm had been the impossibility of such a thing as the world became brighter and brighter.
Pointless. They arrive at a park bench, and Armand sits, making room for Daniel to sit along beside him. He doesn't feel nervous for this most unusual lesson, detached from the possibility. They adapt or they fail. They change him or they don't. And Daniel already has.
"That building," he says, a nod. Across the way, a tall apartment complex, midrange rentals, some permanent residencies. "Focus on it like a single object. You'll sift from the rest of the world the minds within it."
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"Okay," Daniel says. He can do that. Well. He can do the focus part of it, who knows about the rest. But he's very curious about all this, and the mental powers aspect of this life are undoubtedly the thing he finds most alluring. Parts defensive, never to be fucked with that way again, and parts because he already has a knack for getting into people.
Perverse to have a lesson from this person, considering.
He lets it all go. A slow breath in, and out, as he stares at the building. Considers the shape of it and the people inside. Allows everything else to become unfocused; he slips away from the crush of human minds milling around the city, and glances into the bright spots within the bottle of the apartment complex.
Nothing else. Just the building. And, aha, Armand beside him.
Again, quieter, decisive: "Okay."
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The book is kept balanced on his lap, Armand gazing up at the structure, casting out his awareness. There is no chance of overlap. They will not be able to feel each other drifting over the same minds. They will make do.
Armand has, for now, disconnected from any sense of appropriateness. Who they are to each other, the things they have done—his sins, titanically outweighing the ways Daniel has transgressed against him, and the ways in which those sins were done. It doesn't matter. Daniel has dared him.
"I find the one who can't stand to be in the place they are in," eventually. "Or the one who thinks they can never leave it. I take my time, doing it. And then I invite them out."
That old refrain. Come to me.
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